Inquiring minds want to know

Ok, I saw this at the checkout counter at the grocery store tonight. It's last week's edition of the National Enquirer. I'd like you to hone in on the one story I find the least likely. Think you've found it?

Brad Pitt would have to be superbly retarded to be anywhere near a hooker when he's married to Angelina Jolie, for crying out loud! I mean, she's on my (incredibly short) list of women I'd be with if I woke up gay one day. Oh, come on. Don't tell me you've never even jokingly thought about things like that.